Friday, September 24, 2010


My word for today is "Marvelous" it means:
1. Exciting wonder or surprise, astonishing, wonderful
2. Partaking of the character of miracle or supernatural power, incredible, so improbable as to defy belief

Revelation 15:3 ..." and they sang the song of Moses, the bondservant of God, and the song of the Lamb saying "Great and MARVELOUS are Your works, O LORD God, the almighty; Righteous and true are Your ways, King of  the nations!"

Gods ways are Marvelous, surprising, miraculous, He loves to surprise us, to do the impossible!

I love my kids birthdays, and I love Christmas. These holidays are like a treasure hunt for me because I am out for the "Wow factor" I always want to surprise them with something awesome that they didn't think they would ever get, or something I know they will love but they themselves have never seen before. I love the anticipation of the delight they will have when the gift is revealed. The eyes get big, the voice gets a little higher, their delight just bubbles over and I feel so happy and content to "Wow" them. We can always tell how much they love it by the amount of "thank you's" we get. It is all they can do to express their gratitude with a hug and a thank you and a wow and another thank you.

I think I inherited this trait from my Heavenly Father. He plans on ways to "Wow" me. He gives me things I didn't expect from Him, like a marriage healthy and whole after being destroyed by addiction. Like 2 healthy babies after years of drug addiction and abortion. Like sending me to Bulgaria year after year and even being able to go as a family. That was a huge MARVELOUS gift to all of us. And lets not forget the "little' things. Like the year we went whale watching and spent hours on the boat and saw nothing, then on our way back in, towards the end of the day, it was as if God said to the angels "watch this" and a bunch of dolphins came up and swam the way back to shore with us. I could just sense the big smile on God's face cause He knew we would all go "WOW". There were times when we didn't know how the bills would get paid, we didn't have money for milk, we didn't know if our wayward child would go head long into self destruction. I have seen friendships restored, family reunited, dark and broken places in my heart healed. And each time I went "WOW' and poured out my "thank you's" to the LORD..... BUT I forget.

I forget in the midst of my need, in the midst of my struggle that God delights to do the impossible. That He loves to surprise me with His MARVELOUS ways, and I fret. What if He won't come through for me, what if I hope for something He won't deliver, what if He wants me to learn a lesson so He makes me suffer with no way out? What I am really saying is "What is God lets me down?" and how silly that sounds to me when I say it out loud.  Because He has done the most MARVELOUS thing of all. He has adopted me into His family and He has made the way for me to be set free from my own selfish nature. He prepares a home for me, that is better then the best this world has to offer.

I don't give my kids everything they want. Sure when birthdays and christmas come I ask them what they want and I take it into consideration, but I don't just go get what they want and say there you go.  Instead I search for those things that do more then give them what they want, I search for those things that bring a sense of celebration to the holiday. Maybe a trip, or  the making of a memory, maybe a gift, or something that they can use to grow as a person, to improve on a talent.  God does not give me everything I want for His own good reasons, but He does do "great things, unfathomable, and wondrous works without number" (Job 9:10) in my life. And it just wants to make me say thank you over and over!

How about you? Has God done MARVELOUS things in your life recently? Are you hoping for what you think is impossible? Hoping for a miracle? Do you believe He can do the impossible but are afraid He will let you down? Do you know that "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered into the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him" do you believe it to be true for you? (1 Corinthians 2:9)

I can see Him now, planning the way He will surprise you, at the moment He reveals His MARVELOUS work, He is saying to the angels "watch this" as He waits for the huge smile on your face, (or the huge sigh of relief) and the many "thank you's" you will say to Him, when He delights your heart with the impossible.

"For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Birthday Month

Both of my kids were born in September, only 2 weeks apart, so this is always a month of celebration and reflection for me. This year my daughter turns 20 and my son 18. From the first time I held each of them I wondered to myself, who is this person inside this tiny body, and what will she/he be like when they are grown. It has been the greatest thing I have done with my life to raise these 2 wonderful people. Both of whom are gifted, talented, caring, generous, and responsible.

Today they left for their first road trip on their own. They picked up some friends and went to the beach. I feel a small sting of being left behind, but mostly I am so happy that they are able to go out and be with friends and find their way in the world without me. After all, I knew all along this time was coming and tried  my best to make sure they were prepared to fly when they got their wings. Something I didn't do so well at their age.

When I was my son's age, I had left been on drugs for 3 years, been married for 1 year and had been out of the house for 2 years. I didn't have hopes for the future. I was just trying to get through another day. I didn't see any value in me and didn't see that I had anything to contribute to this world. I was just running in the cycle of disfunction I had been raised in. But my son, he has a goal, he has a hope, sure he doesn't know what he wants to do with the rest of his life, but he doesn't have to, he has time. He is smart, and funny, and loyal. He has a love of music and a thirst for knowledge and he is always willing to lend a helping hand.

By the time I was my daughter's age, I had left my husband, moved in with a drug dealer and was raising his 3 kids. The power of addiction was controlling my life and I knew I was killing myself slowly, but was helpless to stop. I was angry with my parents, angry at the world, and didn't see a hope for the future, in fact didn't care if I lived or died. But my daughter she has a job, and friends, and passion to draw, she knows what she wants to do with her life. She is sensitive, and caring, smart and gifted. She has a determination and a strength in her that makes her able to face difficulties head on.

I never knew what it was like to go spend the day at the beach with friends, just spending time hanging out without a care. I am so happy that life is different for them, it's good. I am thankful to God who reached down and took me into His arms and taught me how to break the chains of dysfunction so the cycle would not be repeated in our home. As I stand here at the finish line, I do have some regrets, some things I wish I had done better. But I love who they are, and I love that by the grace of God they are able to live free from addictions. I love that they care about people, and love the Lord with all their heart. What more could a parent ask for?

Thank you Lord, for the most beautiful journey of my life and for entrusting these 2 beautiful souls to my care. Thank you for changing me, and guiding me and making me into the mother they needed me to be. And now I just can't wait to see what each them will do with the life you have given them. Amen

Saturday, September 11, 2010

If I were a cartoon, this is who I would be!

Barbara Ann "Babs" Bunny (voiced by Tress MacNeille) is the lavender pink female rabbit. She is a clown who will do nearly anything for a laugh. She is good at improvisational comedy, and is a comedic impressionist in the vein of Robin Williams. .......... In "Born To Be Riled", her friends become annoyed with her accurate but unflattering impersonations of them and they retaliate by impersonating her in turn. Like Buster, Babs is usually willing to go out of her way for her friends, such as when she sabotages a troupe of swan ballet dancers who are trying to thwart Shirley's debut....
 She often does quick costume changes, usually achieved by spinning quickly in a circle. Babs also can speak in a deep, sultry voice, often used to seduce Buster. She distinctly hates being called "Barbara Ann", preferring just "Babs".......
Her catchphrase is "I just can't help myself!" which is endemic to her frequent inability to exercise self-control, ultimately leading to trouble for herself, Buster, and/or anybody else around her......
She is 14 years old and tends to seek adventure, rather than wait for it to be thrust upon her. Babs will often interject in Buster's speeches, usually in a less then flattering way, in order to annoy him. (Taken from Wikipedia)

And there you have it, I love hanging out with teenagers, cause I feel like I am 14 inside and I love a lot of things 14 year olds love. I am always up for an adventure in fact I long for it. I tend to annoy my husband just for fun. (but only if it makes him laugh) I tend to find myself in trouble, for not looking before I leap, I hate being called Barbara, I especially hate being called Barb! My full name is Barbara - Ann, my closest friends call me Babs, You can to if you want! Most people call me Barbi.
I LOVE TO LAUGH, I can definitely be a clown, to the point of getting myself and my companions in trouble, and yes I have been in trouble a few times for doing  impersonations of people, and have since discovered most people take themselves waaaaay to seriously. I have had others do unflattering impressions of me, but really I don't care. I love to dress up and go all out in costumes and I love to be on stage. I don't have many close friends, but the ones I have are closer to me then family. I love them dearly and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. If fact knowing how difficult it is to love me makes me appreciate them so much more.  If I didn't know better I would think this little bunny was based on me! 

LORD, why can't I hear YOU?

LORD, why can't I hear YOU?
Take off your headphones, God has something to say to you